making friends with autism

Yes, there are … Some people love to network and build huge circles of friends... but not everyone does, and that's okay. As a parent, you want your child to have good relationships and be able to make and keep friends. For many people, autism is mysterious and frightening. We get this question all of the time from autistic adults and the people around them: how can I make friends? It’s been extremely difficult to accept and comprehend. … Traditional social skills strategies (such as board games about friendships and appropriate classroom behavior) tend to be too subtle when you have autism. Julia is a four-year-old with bright orange hair, big blue eyes and a sweet singing voice. Many autistic children will have an emotional vocabulary of happy, sad and angry. I know our son J has struggled with friendships throughout his … Non-autistic people tend to make eye contact often, and stand relatively still. Non-autistic customs can be difficult to understand, and you may wonder how to get along with them without sacrificing who you are. Start with those and then branch out to other feelings such as surprised, confused. This can depend on how comfortable you are with yourself, how "visibly autistic" you are, and whether it is relevant to a conversation. Also explain that it's ok to spend time alone. Making friends is a very common goal for parents of children with autism. Our online community is a great way to talk to like-minded people, We are registered as a charity in England and Wales (269425) and in Scotland (SC039427). The child needs to use their observation skills to establish what the context is and work out what they might be saying or thinking. These help to teach your child turn-taking, as they are visual, and have real things that show that it's your turn (eg dice, counters), use pictures of people and draw blank speech bubbles. The same kind of thing can be done with an art activity - making faces on paper plates, puppets, masks, face painting, drawing faces on flat surfaces using finger paints or shaving foam. If you’re not sure where to begin, start by taking a look at how friendships are typically formed. Making friends as an adult can be a struggle, but the good news is that there are a variety of options and paths to choose. ", Ask open-ended questions to get to know them better. If someone starts displaying signals of stress or irritability, ask if they would like to be left alone. Or print off photos and use them in a matching card game such as snap. Encourage your child to go to a teacher if they don't get the response they are looking for and talk it over with them, rather than with the child themselves. A good friend may react with understanding, confusion (if they don't understand autism well), acceptance, and/or curiosity. Loneliness affects people differently and some people don't mind being alone. Plans should also include how the child can express themselves appropriately if they are disappointed or upset during a social situation. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. Making friends is an important part of every child’s life, but it can be harder for a child with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). For families, Schools and Communities. FIND OUT MORE. If someone treats you badly, you don't have to spend time with them. eg what to do if they say no. This requires the both of you to listen to what the other person has said and tailor your response to keep the story going. This concept is used in Comic Strip ConversationsTM but it can be done with a list of words too. Some of the core features of autism can make friendships more difficult for people with autism. If someone isn't willing to try to understand you, they aren't good friendship material. ask school staff, or others involved with your child, what particular social difficulties they have observed your child experiencing. Having something visually to refer to can help reinforce recognition it can be done as a comic strip conversationTM, movie script, cartoon or story, work on boosting their self-esteem and creating more predictability in the general environment to help minimise the impact of mistakes. Having friends is so important in life. You can’t make friends for your child with ASD, but you can give her the chance to meet peers and work on social skills. She holds a degree in Informatics and has spoken at college events to improve understanding about disabilities. use a 'talking stick' that someone must be holding to have their turn at speaking, and timers to indicate the end of their turn, play board games. It is important they understand that in many games there will be a winner and a loser. Write negative feelings in red and positive ones in green. Emotional pleading will not work with autistic children. Try a Sport. Open-ended questions begin with who, what, when, where, why, and how. Teaching social skills. Could he attend public school, go to college, and get a job? This article was co-authored by Luna Rose. Some autistic children will just assume everyone is interested in what they have to say, so by helping them guess what children are interested it might narrow this search down. Luckily, in today’s modern age, there’s more than one way to do it. There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Have realistic expectations – Remind yourself that that your child with autism is learning social skills that do not come naturally. Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline, Our patron, president and vice presidents, Gift Aid and making your donation go further, Making friends - supporting your autistic child. ", If you don't know how to start the conversation, look for something that you have in common. You can help with this by: carrying, or giving your child, an autism alert card, asking your child’s schools to teach autism awareness and acceptance. Try finding a forum or chat site dedicated to one of your special interests. Tune in to Spectrum Live, our online video series, where we chat to autistic people and their families about life on the spectrum. Conversation can be a difficult minefield for people … But parents of children on the autism spectrum are likely to find it even more challenging. Autistic people and their friends and families share their experiences of life on the spectrum. Sometimes, friends with disabilities are much less judgmental and cruel than people without disabilities can be. Friendship is something that should be pursued only if it's something you want. Children on the autism spectrum, particularly the milder end, often want to be social, but have trouble making friends. These stories can end up being very silly and fun – but they can help to develop listening skills. If two children have had a disagreement, draw them and their thoughts/feelings/actions/speech. They might be surprised to find out someone has to lose. When it comes to making mistakes, autistic children might run away rather than asking for help or screw up a whole piece of work rather than put a line through a mistake. If all your friends are disabled, that's okay. practise any new social skills with your child in a number of different places, and with different people. dramatise your own mistakes so they can see it happens to others, and that it can be fixed, label any feeling which they don't recognise for them and direct them to a calming activity, give them a tangible 'HELP’ card if they cannot verbalise their feelings themselves, talk about publicly scrutinised wins/losses in the news, eg sports, awards, etc. Children on the autism spectrum often respond to tangible concepts, so once you've come up with a list of feelings, you could categorise and colour code the list. Many autistic children will not understand this unless it is discussed with them first. Article re-printed with permission from the Indiana Resource Center for Autism, at the Indiana Institute on Disability and Community, Indiana University Bloomington. Some autistic people offer advice on how to interact with others that is specifically tailored for people on the spectrum. You don't need to feel pressured to make friends because most people have friends. For example, if your child wants to talk about football – choose a child playing football, rather than a child who is reading a book or playing with a computer game. link skills to real tangible situations, refer to examples, and use people's names. Younger kids with autism may really like trains or dinosaurs and you can use this interest to help your autistic child make friends with similar interests. Perhaps provide them with a card they can hand to a teacher asking for space when they are upset rather than having to talk through the issue. Explain why having an argument may affect any future attempts to play with this child. or "What was it like in the Philippines? Making Friends with Autism. Teach your child a script that they can say if they want to play with someone and rehearse it with them. In school the focus may be on learning friendship, while the required focus for kids with autism should be on skills to make and keep friends. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 37,480 times. You get to choose what type of friendship circle you want. If you live in Northern Ireland, find out about our Socialeyes learning resource. The signals vary from person to person, but common signals are looking around instead of focusing on you, their body facing a different direction from you, looking at a handheld object instead of at your face, and responding with one-word answers or noises such as "mm-hmm". Imagine trying to make friends when you have trouble reading social cues, like body language, facial expressions and tones of voice. You could also ask the school to discuss things like: Does your child have an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP), statement, Coordinated Support Plan or Individual Education Plan? You may need to answer some awkward questions, but in the end, it'll give you a good opportunity to see the other person's character. If someone seems surprised or confused by your stimming, give a quick explanation. Being autistic in a neurotypical world can feel like being dropped into the middle of a foreign culture. Yet, it’s hard for our kids with autism and ADHD to make and retain friendships. Luna Rose leads wikiHow's Autism Project. Some people are easily irritated under stress. Why friendships are important for children and teenagers Having a cue card with the key phrases on it that they can have in their pocket if they get nervous can be a good backup visual support too. Find information. Luna Rose is an autistic community member who specializes in writing and autism. Making real friends can be a slow process, but if you’ve got the starting point of a shared interest, it will not be hard. Learn signals of when you think the person is going to speak, and take them into account. This article for teens with autism can help. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. When you do talk, try to keep it brief, as most people will get annoyed if you go off on a tangent on something you're interested in without letting them get a word in! The NAS has great advice on how to make friends. Relatable to kids with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), Julia and her storyline will also help children not directly touched by autism understand how to form a real friendship with someone who’s a little different. She holds a degree in Informatics and has spoken at college events to improve understanding about disabilities. Miscommunication can make it harder for people on the autism spectrum to make and keep friends, too. Figure out what the person is interested in, and get them to tell you about it. They're open to you explaining things they don't understand well. Let them be. Follow. One person starts and says one word only, such as “one”. Pointing out the mistakes of a person your child admires might help them to accept their own, keep conflict resolution factual. Not everyone accepts people with disabilities. The National Autistic Society is also a company limited by guarantee, registered at Companies House (01205298). Maybe you just want a few close friends, or you want mostly online friendships. Friends can also give us advice and guidance, as well as support in difficult times. It doesn’t mean they are meant to stay … Keara Farnan. As for keeping friends, that can be slightly more difficult. You can discuss the physical differences then gradually move on to more abstract differences in line with how much the child understands. Many parents of autistic children find it hard to explain why their children find interaction difficult when they can have strong skills in other areas. This isn't your fault. An important part of making friends comes from having age-appropriate social skills, which many kids who have autism struggle with. Luna Rose leads wikiHow's Autism Project. “Until recently, there was an assumption that we would have found that the number [of friends] was zero,” says Matthew Lerner, a psychologist at Stony Brook University in New York. Making friends can be a challenge when you are on the autism spectrum. Trying to understand what others mean and how to behave can be bewildering, exhausting and stressful for autistic children. At this stage of life especially, they risk being drawn into unsuitable and … Cartoons are a great resource when it comes to teaching facial expressions as they are very over-exaggerated. Make Friends with Autism Facts The Project. Most athletes will tell you that their closest bonds are formed on the field. It's okay to take time without social interaction, even if your friend wants to talk to you. You can watch all our episodes here. While being accepted can feel good, it won't feel good at the expense of who you are - and the truth is bound to come out eventually, making it more painful. eg when picking out clothes, food preferences, choice of film/TV programme. The reason for this is our autism neurology, meaning that unlike typical people’s, our brains are not wired to automatically pick up, incorporate and effectively use … The playground can be an intimidating place for children with autism. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/3\/37\/Redhead-in-Neurodiversity-Shirt-Has-Idea.png\/460px-Redhead-in-Neurodiversity-Shirt-Has-Idea.png","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/3\/37\/Redhead-in-Neurodiversity-Shirt-Has-Idea.png\/728px-Redhead-in-Neurodiversity-Shirt-Has-Idea.png","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":306,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":485,"licensing":"